Alternate Title #2: #firstworldproblems
Things don't always go as you plan...
Just over a month ago, I was over the moon excited to be training for another marathon. It was just the thing I needed to get my running mojo back in business. Or so I thought. I quickly realized that I wasn't as mentally ready for this training round as when I started training for the Detroit marathon last summer. Week 1 I hit all my planned runs, but it was a challenge. Week 2 saw me in bed for most of the week sooooo sick.
To be honest, I never really recovered from that. I mean I did physically, although even that took awhile. But mentally, I was shot. I just could not get my mental game under control. And marathon training is hugely mental. Then I went through a couple of weeks of an on-and-off serious F.U.N.K. I threatened to quit more than once. But I knew I didn't want to make that kind of a choice while in a funk. I knew I'd regret it.
I was finally able to break out of that funk last week. That's probably a story for another post, but I was doing much better. I got some really good runs in - the kind that just make you happy to be outside! I was happy.
And just like that, I knew I had to pull out of training. The decision was finally clear and so, I made it.
And I felt instant relief.
Do I want to run Bayshore? YES
Do I hate that little voice that says "you're a quitter"? YES
Do I HATE that I already signed up and will lose the entrance fee? YES
Do I have other things on my plate right now that take precedence over all those vain feelings? YES
I will say that aloud. I will scream it from the rooftops if I must. I need to hear it. I'm busy! I have too many other priorities right now. Getting our new family in order has taken a bit more out of me physically, mentally and emotionally than I bargained for. Digging into some freelance work has me excited, but is a huge time and effort commitment. These extra commitments simply heighten the need for me to keep a close watch on my marriage. Because anyone that knows me well knows that its Mark that keeps me going. :) My marriage is simply not expendable and can never be last in line.All of these pieces in my life are competing with lil' ole me.
And so, for this season, training doesn't make the short list.
Am I going to stop running? NO. Not. at. all. Am I going to do it for fun and tension release, rather than because I need to up my mileage for training? Yes. That's where I need to be right now.
And I know I'm not a quitter. I had the courage to walk away before I went crazy. ;) And that's a huge step in the right direction...