Lent... and letting go.

Today is Ash Wednesday.  I grew up in a Catholic family and observed the Lenten season for many years. It has been awhile since I've considered myself a Catholic, but only a few years since I have stopped acknowledging the "rules" of Lent (i.e. many years of Friday tuna fish lunches, etc!).  However, today I  completely forgot it was Ash Wednesday until about an hour ago - after eating a leftover enchilada (with ground turkey).  Sigh. Ah well, pretty sure God will forgive the turkey.

But I digress.

I have been thinking about Lent more this year than I have in awhile.  Maybe it's just where I am at right now, but I know I *need* something and it must come from God. Despite knowing that, I have been struggling to get close to Him, finding excuses to make everything else the priority. As anyone could guess, that has simply caused a vicious cycle and left me feeling... just off.

So.

What better time than Lent than to take steps toward God? To stop being so off and find a way back on again.

Usually during Lent, people give up luxuries, things like sweets or social media. Some form of penitence (I've given up pop and chocolate too many times to count!). This year, I'm working on giving up control. I spoke a little about control here, and although I do want to avoid micromanaging my family, what I am speaking about now is more about more generally giving up control to God. Trying less to get my ducks in a row (or a tight military formation!) and more about trusting. Not hoarding my fears and worries, but giving them up to the only One who can really do anything about them. 

It's about giving up the ugliness inside, letting it out; instead of trying to bury it and hide it and keep it for my own. It's about not having it all together - not pretending to have it all together - and not needing to have it all together. And appreciating the many blessings I have, whether I have it all together or not!

I'm still brainstorming what this might mean for the next 40(ish) days. I expect journaling, self reflection (perhaps some here, plenty privately).  I have a few books I want to read.  And prayer.

[Side bar:  Here's a confession - I find praying really hard. I get distracted. It's always been difficult for me to imagine this direct line with God in a way that makes prayer a natural conversation. One way I want to tackle this is to commit to at least one unplugged run a week - no music, no audio book. Just my thoughts or lack thereof. I am fairly confident that I will start talking to myself, which seems a good lead in to prayer. :) End side bar]

Since February is already half over and I never actually sat down and gave myself some goals, I'm not going to. I'm going to work on this. I'm going to work on letting go...

Wonderful Weekend in Review

In case you live under a rock (or, more accuately, don't regularly read this blog or follow me on social media...), my 10 year wedding anniversary was this past Friday.  Mark and I don't typically make a big deal about our anniversaries (no trips, gifts, etc), but we agreed this was a milestone we wanted to acknowledge.  Further, we wanted our kids involved.  We know of far too many couples that don't make it to this milestone, not to mention making it and being more in love than ever.  We want our kids to know that we are in love and proud of our marriage.  

 (Okay, mushiness over)

What better way to involve your kids than with a monster chocolate cake and a craft project?  :)  So, Friday was a family night and was lots of fun. 

[Costco chocolate cake.  Incredible.  One quarter of this easily fed all 7 of us.  We had the leftovers on Sunday with our friends - a family of 12 (+ our 7).  We STILL didn't finish it!]

 [Flowers still make me smile]

Saturday was fairly relaxing day at home, which has been pretty rare for us this summer. Earlier this summer we bought this blow up pool for the kids. Well, Perry promptly jumped in and managed to tear in within 30 min.  : / We discovered that he only ripped one of the rings, however, and the other rings made for a fun pool below the slide!  Kids had a blast. :)

Saturday evening we left the kiddos for a brief date night, hitting up a restaurant we've been wanting to try for YEARS.  The weather was perfect and we sat on the patio, along the lake.  My crab cake was incredible. Sorry, no photos. We also snuck in a few errands (which FEELS like a date with no kids to keep track of!) and got home at a decent time.  It was lovely.

 [Aren't we cute?  Selam was nice enough to let me borrow her dress, but mad that it looked nice on me. ;) ] 

We even danced to our wedding song.  I teared up.  Hard to believe what the last 10 years have brought us and I can only begin to imagine what the next 10 might bring!  So thankful to be on this journey with Mark.

Perfect 10

Well, maybe not perfect, but darn close...


10

Ten years ago today, I married my best friend.
It was, without a doubt, the best decision I have ever made.

I am so, so thankful to be married to Mark. He is so incredibly patient, supportive, and kind. He's witty, in this very subtle, but hilarious, way. He gets me, he pushes me to be better. Given the choice, 9.9 times out of 10, I would choose to spend time with him over anyone else (hey, a girls night is good now and then). He is my best friend. My partner in everything.

He is a wonderful dad. He spends time with the kids and strikes a great balance between encouraging them and challenging them.  He is the one who handles the after-school chaos and listens to the drama of the day, directs homework, and makes dinner.  He is not caught up in gender roles. 

He would do anything for me and our family.

I have spent 1/3 of my life married to this man. I can't wait to see what the next decade brings.

January 2001

Two crazy kids, dating.  

2001 brought our engagement and Grace!

July 20, 2002

Wonderful day

May 2003 - College graduates!

2003 brought graduation, a move, new job, started law school

June 2004

2004 brought 2 moves across the state, another new job, more law school survival ;)

Spring 2005

2005 brought some big career decisions...and Mark grew a beard. Big fan of that. :)

Christmas 2006

2006 brought law school graduation, home purchase, 2 new jobs, bar exam, Ally!
It was a pretty epic year, but not an easy one!

Summer 2007

2007 brought work/life balance struggles, began adoption process

July 2008

2008 brought completed adoption (Abi and Hana!),
travel to Ethiopia, began adoption process again.

July 2009

2009 brought loss of my dad, job loss/change, finalized adoption, brought Selam home!
This was an incredibly trying year, and probably the one that grew our marriage the most.

Spring 2010

2010 was a year of settling in and tremendous growth!
Getting used to our family of 7, homeschooling 2010-2011 school year

June 2011

2011 brought more loss - both Mark and I lost a grandpa.
It was also a year of me dealing with some hard stuff within myself.  Battling these demons has really allowed me to let myself be loved and has changed our marriage for the better.

2012

More in love than ever.

Dads

This post is a day overdue, but better late than never.

Yesterday was Father’s Day.  This has been a tough day for the last 3 years and always creates some mixed feelings for me.  I lost my dad in 2009 and there are just certain days that the loss is more profound. Sometimes those are just random, regular days, but other days are more predictable – the anniversary of his death, his birthday, and father’s day.

My dad was a great guy. He was a hard worker and a good friend. He gave excellent hugs and good advice. He was a great dad and grandfather.  Three years later, his loss is still painful.

 

Despite that, father’s day is also a wonderful day. I’m so blessed to be married to an incredible father and I’m glad there is a holiday to remind me to express my thanks for all he does.  He is my partner in all that we do and he makes our family work.

He heads off for work daily before any of the kids are up, but is home when they get off the bus. During the school year, he handles the chaos that comes with 4 pm and manages to listen to their daily news, get them a snack and have them start their homework, all while getting dinner going.  He shuttles kids to and from various sports practices, allergy shots, and other appointments.  He helps out soccer teams, pumps up flat tires, and does laundry and dishes when needed. He is the go-to for anything technological and is able to sort out iPods, DS problems and computer funks.  Mark is extraordinarily artistic, creative and resourceful. Since we have continued to fill our house with little bodies, he is always looking for new ways to make things function more smoothly and at little or no cost.  He’s built lockers, bookshelves, benches, and our kitchen table.

Our lives are busy, lively and sometimes very loud.  And, perhaps too often, things can get stressful! Nevertheless, when I had the chance to take a mini-vacation with my girlfriends this past weekend, Mark didn’t hesitate – he told me to GO.
 

 

I had a ton of fun with my friends. But, as you can imagine, I was excited to come home to such a great guy.  So very blessed to be married to such an amazing man.

Monday Motivaion: No we NEVER have THAT argument...

We all have our issues.  

One of mine is organization. I LOVE being organized, having things tidy and in line.  I am terrible at this. : / This conundrum causes some stress but I'm getting better at dealing with it. I'm also getting better at trying to organize my life bit by bit instead of all at once. I still fail mightily, but ah well.

Okay, so combine my (i) desire for organization, (ii) my lack of (consistent) skills (and follow through!) in this area, and add (iii) the fact that there are a lot of details TO organize in a family of 7 and you get = stress and irritation sometimes.

Mark and I are pretty good partners in our marriage and family. We share the load on MANY MANY tasks and we have plenty that are typically "our" jobs. For example, Mark handles the vast majority of the cooking and grocery shopping.  I handle the bulk of our financial matters and managing the kids' schedules (making appointments, etc).  

Of course, it is so easy to feel like what I do is far more time consuming than what he does. (Never have this issue? Well, stop reading then!)

A couple of months ago, Mark ran across this app for our Android phones that has been a huge help! It's called "Do It Tomorrow".  It's extraordinary simple.  Basically, you just type in your "to do" items.  Once you "do" them, you click on it again, and it's crossed off. Any items that are not crossed off at the end of the day simply transfer to the next day automatically. Mark and I share an account which has been an enormous help in several ways:

1) It allows both of us to see some of those nagging little things that the other was handling. A subtle reminder that I don't do everything. ;)

2) It allows us to list things that need to be done, that could be done by either of us, and we can easily see if the other one has done it.

3) It allows us to put an item on that the other person needs to do but keeps forgetting about. 

Of course, it has its limits. I don't use it heavily for items that I consider just "my" to dos (like work deadlines).  But it has been a great asset for us to jointly manage our family obligations and to be aware of the other's contributions.

Yep, it works for me!

Epic Weekend Recap

Well, I hate to rub it in, but we had a pretty epic weekend.  Friday was pretty uneventful, which was fine by me!  Saturday started bright and early at 6 a.m.  Not my favorite Saturday wake-up time, but I was on a mission.  We had to leave the house by 11 and I was determined NOT to miss my long run this weekend!  So, after a bit of coffee and breakfast, I headed out the door around 7:20 (whoops, little late...)... and ran.... and ran...

and ran FIFTEEN POINT FIVE MILES.  

Um, yeah, that's 25 kilometers.

 Yeah baby!

Actually, I had been planning 14 miles, but I didn't evaluate my route very well and ended up tacking on an extra mile.  So, I reached my neighborhood at 15 and was about to start walking when I realized, heck, I still have another 1/2 mile to get to my house!  Might as well run it in!  Soooo stinking excited to actually have completed the 25k distance prior to running the Riverbank Run in just over two weeks!   I know I haven't put in the training to do it as fast as I'd originally hoped, but now I KNOW I can cover the distance (without walking) and that is still a huge accomplishment for me at this point in my running. 

 (two more weeks baby!)

Then I rushed home - late - to find that my magnificent husband had been busy while I was gone and had the kids (and dogs!) all ready to go away for the night. So I showered, dressed, madly packed and we piled in the van about 11:30 (late, but who's counting?).  And headed too... Grandmas!  We had a birthday party for my grandma (well, my grandfather's long-term lady friend?). She turned 90.  I'm sad I didn't get any photos. It was a wonderful party and so nice to see family.  

BUT our visit was brief because Mark and I (ONLY) were off again!  We have had a gift certificate this this B&B we love (the Wild Goose Inn) and finally had a chance to use it! 

 It was just nice to get away and have time for each other.  I think, generally, we are pretty good about that, even at home. But it's been a stressful few months and just knowing that we didn't have to be responsible for feeding anyone was a nice relief. :)  We have been very fortunate these last few years to have family help us out and allow us to get away for at least one night, once a year, sometimes more. It's so good for our marriage and nice to realize that we miss our kids too. :)

For anyone concerned, the kids (and dogs) behaved well for my  mom and Joe and had a blast (and a lot of sugar).  So it was a win-win.

After party food mid-afternoon, we didn't have big plans for dinner. But wait - I ran 15 miles!  I was H.U.N.G.R.Y!  We ended up going out for burgers at the Peanut Barrel.  Oh yum.  Really hit the spot.  As you can see, it was even nice enough to sit on the patio!  Actually, it got downright chilly before we left, but overall the fresh air was great.

 

 And don't forget a highlight of a B&B - breakfast!  This place does it right. Great coffee, fresh fruit, an incredible blueberry muffin, and omelet (for me) or french toast (Mark). There are a few other options too.  so, so good.

 

 After we checked out, we had a little bit of time, so we popped into the bookstore and found some great used children's books. Oh, how I love bookstores.  I also found a huge collection of the Babysitter's Club books and wanted to buy them, but figured I would be the only one to read them and that was sad.  :)

So THEN we hopped back in the van (there was a LOT of driving) and headed back to pick up the kids.  They were over visiting Joe's sister, so we picked up the dogs and stuff and headed over for a quick visit too. While there, the kids were all waiting for a stow-away raccoon to appear.  Unfortunately (fortunately?) the rodent decided to stay put.  I mean, why wouldn't you want to greet this crowd?!?

Then all 7 of us (plus 2 dogs) piled back into the van for the 2 hour trip home. Whew.  The evening was busy with laundry and finishing up paperwork... 

Great weekend. :)

How My Stupid-Playdoh-Eating-Dog Improved My Marriage

Puppies are seriously a pain in the butt. Golden retrievers are incredibly sweet, but they are also puppies for-evah.  Since we are less than 10 months into this journey, we’ve got a lot of puppy-time left.

What does this have to do with marriage?  I’m getting to it, I’m getting to it…

So, last night, said pup managed to nab himself 2 fist-sized hunks of homemade play doh. Upside – I knew it was non-toxic. Downside – knew it contained a lot of salt.  Hmmm…. Pup was a bit whiny all evening and thirsty.  I had no idea what was in store.  Long story short he drank copious amounts of water and had no control of his bladder. L This resulted in multiple accidents in the house – including IN his crate – and general ‘awakeness’ all night.  Poor guy.

But I didn’t really know all that until this morning.  Why you might ask?  Because my wonderful husband let me sleep through ALL of it.  He got up with Perry and stayed up until after 2 a.m., letting Perry drink (and hopefully flush this out of his system), cleaning up the resulting accidents, letting him out… When he peed in his crate at 3 a.m., it was Mark who cleaned it up, while I stared around bleary-eyed and confused before passing back out. 

Seriously, let’s think about this.  Here’s a guy that has to get up for work the same as I do – in fact, he starts work at 7 a.m. Then he comes home, gets the kids off the bus and manages homework duties, picks up kids from sports practice (2 separate trips) and starts dinner, all before I get home at 5:30.  

He and I were both exhausted last night, but stayed awake long enough to plow through another round of adoption training webnairs and quizzes.  I fell quickly asleep however.  Instead of sharing the load, which would have been completely appropriate, he wanted to let me sleep.  I know some might think that this is over-doing credit. After all, it’s one night sleep right?  But it is so much more than that. It’s just an example of who he is and how he takes care of his family.  He is such an incredible husband and father.

And sometimes it takes a stupid-playdoh-eating-dog to remind me of that. 

A Decade of Valentines...

This was the 10th Valentines Day Mark and I shared.  It's kind of funny now, thinking back to the first one... much has changed. :) I couldn't have even begun to contemplate what our life was going to be like together at that point!

But I was happy. And secure.  Young as we were, we were very much in love.  

And still are.