The Hardest Part

It's been a whirlwind. An utter whirlwind.

Days are full of checking items off lists, then adding even more!  Trying to get ahead at work, pull things together at home, booking tickets, making other travel arrangements. Ten days - we're leaving in 10 days. SQUEAL!

It should be a time of joy and excitement. And it is. But I admit - it has been so stressful. Too many tears.  I'm flat out scared.

Scared of pulling everything together at work.

Scared of arranging things at home.

Scared of the final legal steps in Colombia (what if I forget something critical?!?!?)

And, most of all...

So very scared to leave my children for weeks.   : (

They are SO SO excited for JS to come home. They understand why we need to go. They are excited for grandma to come. 

But I am going to miss them so much!

I was thinking back to our previous adoption trips.  In 2008, we traveled to Ethiopia for 2 weeks. That was a long trip and stressful (but amazing).  But we took Grace with us. Ally was so little - just 18 months - so she stayed with family. It was so hard to leave her, but I knew she was well taken care of. And she didn't have school or other obligations, so (relatively speaking) it wasn't a bit deal (in terms of scheduling, etc).

In 2009, I was in Ethiopia a grand total of 4 days with my mom. We were gone about 6-7 with travel, but it was a whirlwind by comparison.  It was summer. Mark wasn't able to come because he had just started a new job, so he was home with the kids. I missed them, but it went by so fast that it wasn't too bad.

Fast forward - 2012.

Mark will likely be gone nearly 2 1/2 weeks (given travel, etc). I will be gone nearly a month.  We now have 5 school-age kids to leave at home. Some of medical stuff (allergy shots, etc). Some have deep rooted abandonment concerns.  And (I think) all will just miss us.

So.much.more.to.manage.

And gosh darn it - going to MISS THEM. What am I going to do without those little faces and arms and hugs and kisses?  When I can't peek in at night to watch them sleeping? Or help them with their homework or read the Berenstein Bears Don't Pollute for the 17th time?

Hmmmm.... maybe I won't miss that last one so much...