Oh How They've Grown...

Abi (early 2007?)

Abi (mid 2007?)

Abi (March 2008, when we met)

Abi (April 2011)

Hana baby photo (2003)

Hana (mid-2007)

Hana (March 2008, when we met)

 Hana and Selam (March 2008, April 2011)

Selam (Aug 2008) 

Birthdays...

So, in my blogging hiatus, we had a few birthdays around here.  Since I'm sure my kids will dig up these old posts some day and complain about favoritism ;) I should do a little catching up.  :)

March is a double-birthday month - Hana turned eight early in the month and Selam turned FOURTEEN at the end.  (Side note- I have a feeling that each one of Selam's birthdays will be in caps since they all make me feel old and out of place!)

Anyway, we enjoyed some quiet fun with the family and Grandma Diane for both.  I can't believe how much the girls have changed in the last year!

Hana

Hana may be one of the biggest changes in our family over the last 12 months.  Upon first joining our family, I would've said she had the hardest time attaching, kept herself a bit more distanced, and just generally skirted around the outskirts of things (although doing so rather successfully).  This year saw Hana really finding her groove.  She has really grown academically - reading started coming far more naturally, math was less stressful.  She has started making many more friends (which was a big struggle the last few years, even though she is very likable).

Hana is our little athlete.  Sports and general movement come very naturally to Hana.  She loves to learn new sports and is finding that is a great way to both boost her confidence and connect with people.

As a practical matter with 5 kids, we have put limits on sports and outside activities.  Yet, we are seeing the need to find Hana more opportunities to shine. She is currently enjoying soccer and doing great!

Selam

What a year.

It is hard to even put words to the changes and growth in Selam this year.  It's difficult for me to even catalog the growth in myself from parenting her this year.  Since we decided to go the homeschooling route, in some ways it is more difficult to me to explain her academic growth this year.  (I know - this seems counter intuitive since I'm the one watching her learn each day...).   I know things haven't progressed as I has assumed they would, but that is not to say that it hasn't be a year full of growth and learning.  Given that Selam was forced to learn and function in a new language (and culture!) at the age of 12+, she doesn't learn on a linear plane. It's a lot of up and back.  Some days I am simply in awe and other days I wonder how we have back-tracked so far.  That is simply the nature of language and, most importantly, self-confidence.  If I choose, I can look back on this year and see a series of parenting and teaching failures on my part.  Yet, I've been making an effort to learn from those mistakes and move forward to assist Selam where she needs it.

She has discovered the treasure in books and sometimes gets frustrated that she can't read (yet) at a level of literature that is interesting for her.  We have gotten around this by reading aloud more and using (lots!) of audio books.  She is now choosing to do this in her "free time" and I love seeing her appreciate good books!

Self confidence remains a bit of an issue.  Selam hasn't found her "niche" yet.  Hana has grown and developed as an athlete, but that isn't Selam's place exactly.  Language barriers still make some things difficult (e.g. the Spanish club she wanted to join...)  fortunately, she is really enjoying the youth group at our church and making some really nice friends there.

I think she is rather nervous about heading back to school next year.  We are trying to take steps to alleviate those fears.  As much as I enjoyed having her home and wish we had more time, I also see that school will give her some social and other opportunities for her to find something she enjoys and to make new friends. I'm very excited for her.  But will clearly need to keep a shotgun around - she just keeps getting more beautiful!

Reflections ...

"Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts."

~Arnold Bennett~

**Note - this photo has nothing to do with the post, I just liked it and blogs should have photos.**

I think most people *know* that life can change in a moment.  Most humans have at least a basic grasp on temporary vs. eternal.  The only constant is change, right?

But how many of us truly acknowledge that in our daily lives? That is, until we are forced to.

Three years ago, I questioned by qualifications, my very identify as a mother, challenged as never before.

Two and a half years ago, I was forced to come to terms with the fact that I won't always be surrounded by those close to me.  It wouldn't always be illness and age that steals them away.

Two years ago, a carefully crafted career crashed down around me.  Suddenly, ever-present financial security vanished.  A new fear swept in, followed quickly by a humility I never anticipated I would need.

A year ago I received a chance that a year before I would have sworn I never wanted!  The chance to homeschool and be at home more.

And now, things are changing again.  Although my work schedule is going to return to its "traditional nature" I have this gut feeling there is more change coming.  I'm doing my best to think positively about it, to be open to the possibilities - whatever they may be.

The changes mentioned above were hard.  Some tragic, even.  And yet, all have impacted me strongly.

Obviously, I never wanted to lose my father.  I am a different person because of it, stronger in some ways. I (of course) would give it all back to have him, but I know that's not an option.  So I do the best to look at the positive outcomes - the benefits I got from him during his life and the way that I grew after his death.  To appreciate the memories my kids have of him, the stories - even though they were so little when we lost him.  I love that they still talk about Papa Joe.  His presence is still with us.  Some things survive change, stay with us and make us stronger.

When I lost my job, I lost my identify for awhile. I was scared.  And yet... I wouldn't trade that experience.  Our entire family dynamic shifted. Things we thought we were never capable of were suddenly necessary.  And we not only survived, we thrived!  It led to a new job, one that I would have considered myself "above" ... a job that has been fun and fulfilling and taught me so much!

Our homeschool journey, it seems, was brief.  And yet... my entire way of thinking about our family and about education has changed. I no longer will accept things "because that is the way it is."  I have already noticed that my advocacy skills have changed for the better.  I truly understand that learning happens all the time.  My kids may return to a classroom and be exposed to all kinds of wonderful (and some not-so-wonderful) things there, but the bulk of their learning will occur outside school walls, much in our own home.  That thought is so freeing.  

My journey as a mother is a continuing one, constantly morphing, changing.  I have never questioned myself so much as I have in these years since adding children who have suffered trauma.  Never have I felt so inadequate.  Yet, I look at the person I was before and can now see this huge hole - this whole part of me that was missing.  I can't imagine life without them.

These were not doors slammed in my face - simply directives onto a new page.

Feeling hopeful at the possibilities... 

"Flowers never emit so sweet and strong a fragrance as before a storm. When a storm approaches thee, be as fragrant as a sweet smelling flower."

-Jean Paul Richter

Changes...

Lately I have been asked quite often how the homeschooling is going and are we doing it again next year. The truth is that homeschooling was wonderful and stressful, rewarding and scary. But I usually just say that things are fine. The second answer is that we had planned to do it at least another year.

Unfortunately, that option is no longer there due to changes in work hours and obligations. 

So now, I am faced with scrapping some plans and dreams and adjusting to a our new reality - not a bad one by any means, just different than planned. Come September, we'll have 5 children in 3 different schools, balancing (even more) homework, sports, activities, friends and family. 

Let the fun begin!

In the interim, I am fortunate that we will be able to finish homeschooling for this school year and I'm determined to enjoy this special time with my oldest girls. They grow up so quickly!

Time Management Sucks

And now for something totally random!

I'll admit - not the most accurate title.  Actually, time management skills are pretty wonderful.  I just don't really have them (at least not the level I'd like), so I sometimes get really frustrated by those uber-organized moms that can pull things together in a heartbeat. ;)

Because I have a larger-than-average size family, people tend to assume I have it all together, with a system for everything.  Since I also work outside (and inside) the home and have actually started working on personal hobbies (shock!), those people often jump to the conclusion that I have some secret to creating extra hours in the day.

Ummmm... nope.  hahahaha

As my mom and college roommate could tell you, I am naturally messy. Unorganized.  Often forgetful and more than a little ... blonde. :)  Sometimes I think this is why God has maneuvered my life this way - every day is an opportunity for growth!  Because I am that mom that can't seem to keep the field trips straight and forgets to send in the knick knack to school (and I was the ONLY ONE that didn't have one...) and constantly RSVPs late (or forgets...).  Buying birthday gifts on the way to the party.  Digging around the house at 9 pm for a suitable "sharing" item for the next day.  I don't know what I would do without direct debit for monthly bills - I shudder to think.

This is not an area of my life I am proud of.  I don't want my kids to struggle in this area, but I don't set much of an example (at least not consistently).

I'm working on it.

In the meantime, all you naturally uber-organized peeps out there... cut us flighty goofballs some slack.  :)  Not because I have 5 kids (I can't blame it on them... unfortunately).  But because most people would not choose to live in chaos of order came more naturally.

So roll your eyes at my late RSVP - that's fair.  But at least I'll be at the party!  :)

**Note - this post is not the result of any specific instance or someone's frustration at me.  Just a random part of my personality I was thinking about this morning while drinking my coffee and staring at my clutter-strewn desk.**